Earlier this year, I wrote about my new Midori journal and how I was totally going to personalize it.
And I tried.
I bought washi tapes. I tried to draw. I tried to add cutesy things like stickers, too. (At one point I was seriously thinking of getting a Polaroid, so I could take pictures and stick them in my journal.)
I decorated the fuck out of my journal.
And then I realized I hated it.
I spent a lot of time watching videos of people sharing how they’d decorated their Midoris and Filofaxes, and it was fun. Some people are just super talented, able to draw and create beautiful images within the space they are given.
I am — as you probably can tell — none of those things.
The last time I drew on a notebook, I was in college (okay, grad school). I have this thing for drawing on the margins of my school notebooks while the teacher is lecturing.
Pro-tip: let me just tell you kids now that your teachers/parents/guardians are wrong: doodling is fine. The fact that you would rather draw cats in multiple costumes and poses is not going to affect your schooling. Doodle away. (Source: I graduated and have a job.)
[Quick digression: this reminds me of the time I showed up in school without a notebook, and had to write my notes down on bus tickets. Good times.]
So where were we?
So I realized that I really am not cut out for washi tapes and pretty margins. I can’t do that. I can’t keep that up or I’ll kill myself via ballpen to the brain.
I tried my best to make the Midori work, because it was so pretty and perfect, but I couldn’t.
You know what I’m working with now?
The first Moleskine is my planner. I use Fantastical 2 on my phone to keep track of bills, meetings, schedules, and deadlines, so my planner is pretty much just has the tasks for the day. Every Sunday I write down tasks for the week, then I work them into my daily task lists. That’s it.
The second Moleskine is my journal, and it isn’t fancy at all. I just write down my thoughts and other similar shit and it’s now so filled with angst that anyone who sees it will think it belongs to some stupid emo kid.
No drawings. No doodles. No washis. Nothing.
And it works — for me, at least.
This is when I realized that I’m not creative at all. I’m staid. I’m boring. I’m all logical and shit. No colors and fun and personality.
I just like things that get things done and that’s it.
How corny is that?
It’s not that I’m complaining, really. However, sometimes I do wish I had a bit more imagination, like maybe I could be someone who drew pretty pictures and had an eye for flair and color.
I’m not that.
I’m a Squidward, is what I am.
Maybe I just can’t handle complicated things? If I’m over-thinking something, chances are it’s going to suck. I think my brain is so simple it cannot handle complications.
Not that I think it’s bad. It’s just… boring.