Hey, Ho, Let Go

Note to self: file this post under things most likely to come back and bite me in the ass in the future.

Love baffles me.

To clarify: I’m not saying that to be cute or “quirky”. As the last NBSB (no boyfriend since birth) person I know, I honestly have no idea what it’s like. I won’t pretend that I do, either.

On the last day of university, a classmate wrote this as the dedication on my binder:

I hope you get a boyfriend soon so you’ll finally understand us mortals.

That was almost eight years ago. I have not gained any insight to date.

(Minor quibble: some say that fatties are the last legitimate target for bullies, but I call bullshit. Single people are always the preferred target of Society. We get weird looks and pity. If that isn’t condescending I don’t know what is. By the way, a former co-worker, upon learning that I was pursuing graduate studies, quipped: ” you’re always studying AND you have no boyfriend. Don’t you get bored with your life?” Bitch. The quibble turned out pretty major, it appears.)

I’m thinking of this now because a friend is trapped in a terrible marriage, and from my vantage point the next logical step is to get an annulment. As of this minute they’re still very much attached, and I’m very frustrated.

I like them both, really, but it’s definitely time to let go. Things won’t go back to the way they were, so many hurtful things have been done and said. So why not just get out of the relationship, right?

It takes a prick to say this, so I’m just gonna go ahead and indulge my inner prickishness: love makes fools. These are smart people, and yet they can’t see the logical decision when it’s staring them right in the face.

Well meaning friends have attempted to explain things by likening romantic love to familial love, but it makes no sense to me. My family is irreplaceable; lovers are not.

Some have tried likening it to an investment. The more effort you put in, the less likely you are to abandon it easily. But investors know that sometimes the only thing to do is get out of a bad investment while there’s still time.

Well of course it’s not my heart on the line, so I can be as callous as I want. But I’m not so insensitive as to make these remarks in front of my friend.

Which is why I’ve taken to avoiding her for the time being. And I am once again reminded that I’m a horrible human being.

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